They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
