If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you win again, gameday.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
