we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
