Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
