Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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