i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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