real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
