drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
