how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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