Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
