This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
