Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
