I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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