I don't think brook has ever known best
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
