i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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