my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
