We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
