can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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