come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
As shirtless as possible
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
