That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I didn't notice because vodka
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
