As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
