so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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