dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
