Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
