His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
