I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Who died my cat blue again?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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