We're facebook friends in real life
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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