hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
