he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I looked at my own cervix.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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