he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
