I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
