Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
