hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
