Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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