I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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