My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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