new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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