Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
