I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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