can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
