So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
