____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize