dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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