I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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