Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This is classic penis vs brain.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
