I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
