no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
