One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We're too hungover to prance.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
