But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
