Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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