I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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