Just fell off a train. Bad.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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