I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
