man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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